Board of Governors

This one is tough. They’re all good. Like it doesn’t even matter, they all exhibit great traits and we’d be happy to see any two of them win. To avoid being complete cop-outs and endorsing every candidate, we’ll at least narrow it down to three. Kevin Doering, Louis Retief and Jakob Gattinger.

Kevin is running on a platform of affordable housing, tuition, and transparency. Three common values that all candidates would bring to the table. However, Kevin made a really cute little video that seems like an intro for a 90s sitcom staring Bob Saget. That’s something we can all get behind.

Louis is a strong voice to have on the Board. He understands the necessity of having a very trendy haircut. Senior board members will most likely be intimated by said haircut and maybe he’ll have more leverage or something. Also we’ve seen him bench like 300lbs in the gym and so we fear not endorsing him.

Jakob is okay.

Again, all the other candidates would be excellent voices on the Board, so just vote for whoever and things will turn out fine. #Vern4BoG



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